When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
