you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
