And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
