I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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