how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
