so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
