I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
