I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
