Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
