If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
