saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
