a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
