Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
