Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
