I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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