Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
