I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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