Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
