is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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