Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
