This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
