ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
