My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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