I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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