Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
