im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My balls are so social today.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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