Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
