Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
