"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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