yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
