Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
