His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
