I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
