I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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