i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
