since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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