Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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