I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
is it fun? or sober?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
