I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
