Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
