i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
