were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
