ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
