I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
