Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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