hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
