don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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