hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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