YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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