I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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