why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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