Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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