wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
