OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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