We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
