I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.