he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You dont lie about slip and slides
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs