can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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