pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
