YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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