we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
