sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm getting married
To pizza
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
