drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
