My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
