He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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