Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
