mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
