Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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