I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
