I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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